Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Sept 27, 2005 19:03:37 GMT
Hi folks,
When Howard moves to Sirius, he already has a name picked out for his channel. It is "Douche 100". This is not a joke. I am being dead serious.
Howard is already calling himself "Cousin Douchie" (a twist on "Cousin Brucie") and the "King Douche".
Augie ;D
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Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Sept 27, 2005 19:16:05 GMT
Hi folks,
I was listening to Howard yesterday. He wanted to have sex with his girlfriend Sunday night, but she wasn't in the mood. So, he whipped out his penis and started to fondle her with it. It didn't work. Then he started banging his penis against against her ass. That didn't work either. It only pissed her off more. She rolled over and went to sleep. So, Howard just masturbated next to his girlfriend in bed. He blew a load all over the bed and made a terrible mess. The next day, when she woke up, she asked him if he masturbated next to her in bed as she was falling asleep. He said "yes".
The moral of the story is this: If your girlfriend isn't in the mood, then just leave her alone. Banging your penis against her ass is not going to get her in the mood.
Augie ;D
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Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Sept 27, 2005 19:23:19 GMT
Hi folks,
I was listening to Howard today. Howard did a commercial for "BOSpoker.net". Rush's song "La Villa Strangiato" was playing in the background (quite loudly). It wasn't Rush playing it. Someone else was playing it. They did a great job.
I almost shit when I heard it. Here was Howard doing one of his own commercials (which he does quite frequently), and Rush's song was blasting in the background. It was a long commercial too (about 60-90 seconds long), as is typical of Howard's own commercials. So, I heard quite a bit of the song.
You don't hear Rush's songs in commercials too frequently, so this was a treat.
I know that Howard is a big fan of progressive rock and a big Pink Floyd fan.
Augie
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Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Sept 27, 2005 19:36:40 GMT
Hi folks,
In America, there is TV show called "Family Guy". Recently, in one episode, they mentioned Howard Stern and his co-host Robin. That was cool.
Augie
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Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Sept 27, 2005 19:46:14 GMT
Hi folks,
Howard has a "whack pack". One member of this pack is "Gary the Retard" (not to be confused with "Gary Baba-booie"). Every week, Gary the Retard does a skit called "Retard of the Week".
Last week, the "Retard of the Week" was Oprah Winfrey. This was because of the "purse incident" in France.
Two weeks ago, the "Retard of the Week" was Rush Limbaugh. This was because he won't stop saying the word "nigger" over the air. Howard played a tape of Gary the Retard awarding the "Retard of the Week" award to Rush Limbaugh. After the tape was over, Howard said, "I couldn't understand one word he said". I couldn't understand it either, but it was hilarious.
Whenever Gary the Retard calls in, Howard plays his "Retard" song. You hear Gary the Retard yelling "Retard" over and over again in this song. It's hilarious.
Augie ;D
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Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Sept 27, 2005 19:49:11 GMT
Hi folks, I was listening to Howard today. "Wendy the Retard" called in. She was sick, and she was puking her brains out. Howard recorded it. All day long, Howard kept playing the tape of Wendy vomiting. I was laughing my ass off. It was hilarious. Augie
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Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Oct 12, 2005 18:29:29 GMT
Hi folks,
Howard has totally outdone himself. I was listening to his radio show last week. He is still on terrestrial radio. But he launched his Sirius station ("Douche 100") last week. Guess what he did the first day? FARTING!!!!! He called it the "Fart Channel". For about 25 hours straight, he had a few "professional farters" hosting his channel. He had Junior, Will, and a queefing girl. They did nothing but fart for 25 hours.
Junior had the first shift. He ripped out 327 farts in the first hour. These were not pre-recorded farts. They were not done using a fart machine. These were real live farts. Junior actually ripped out 327 farts in 1 hour. At one point, he asked for a towel. Howard thought he had an "accident", but he was just sweating. At one point, he was "showboating". He was farting and burping at the same time.
People were pulling over in their cars all over New York City and America. They couldn't drive because they were laughing so hard. Cars were pulled over all over NYC. One NYC cop called Howard's show and said that he never saw so many cars pulled over in his life. Everyone was just laughing so hard that they couldn't drive. Another NYC cop called in and said that everyone left the police station when Howard's show started. They all went out to the parking lot to listen to Howard's Sirius station in their cars. There was no one left in the police station. All the cops were in their cars listening to Junior farting.
Later that day, when Junior's shift was over, a NYC cop asked him for his autograph (just for farting!!!).
A few people called Howard the next day and said that they were fired from their jobs. They couldn't get out of their cars because they were listening to Junior farting. They were late for work, and they got fired.
That truly was one of the greatest days in radio history.
Augie ;D
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Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Oct 12, 2005 18:38:50 GMT
Hi folks, I was listening to Howard today. Sal (one of Howard's "mentally sick" staff workers) did this "bit" for Halloween. He made a tape, and Howard played a portion of it today. It isn't finished yet. Sal is still working on it. The tape was of a black person's haunted house. It was a story/song parody about a haunted house that contained things that are scary to black people. This black guy walks in this haunted house. He opens the first door. There is a job application behind the door. The guy gets scared shit. It was hilarious. I can't wait to hear it when Sal is finished. Sal is "crazy". He is probably the nuttiest of all of Howard's staff members. Augie
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Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Oct 28, 2005 19:48:43 GMT
Hi folks, I was listening to Howard 2 weeks ago. He had another shock jock on his show ("Bubba the love sponge"). They were telling this story about when Bubba was in Tampa. Warren Sapp is an NFL football player who used to play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. One day, a guy was installing cable TV at his house. Warren was nasty to him. So, the guy took a shit in Warren's attic. The guy called Bubba's radio station and told everyone what he did. But no one believed him. Everyone thought he was kidding. Warren looked in his attic and saw a big pile of shit. He was furious. He wanted to kill this guy. He told his teammates, who told the radio station. Bubba knew that this guy wasn't lying. He really did take a shit in Warren's attic. Augie
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Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Oct 28, 2005 19:52:29 GMT
Hi folks, I was listening to Howard 2 weeks ago. He told this story about this guy in Italy. The guy was arrested and sentenced to prison. But they let the guy live at home being monitered. His wife drove him nuts nagging him. The guy couldn't take it any more. He begged the judge to put him in prison. Then judge felt sorry for him and put him in prison. This is a true story. Augie
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Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Oct 28, 2005 19:59:43 GMT
Hi folks, I was listening to Howard 2 weeks ago. Howard's boss (Tom Chiasano) was in the hospital with encephalitis symptoms. They decided to do a prank. One of Howard's staff members called the hospital 3 times. He got the same female receptionist all 3 times. The first time he called, he said, "I'm calling to see if that f**king bastard Tom Chiasano dropped dead." The second time he called, he said, "I'm the grim reaper. I'm looking for Tom Chiasano." The third time he called crying. When the woman asked why he was crying, he replied, "Because that f**king son of a bitch Tom Chiasano didn't drop dead yet!" It was hilarious. They love to break Tom's balls. Augie
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Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Oct 28, 2005 20:01:43 GMT
Hi folks, I was listening to Howard 2 weeks ago. One of his staff members pretended to be a homosexual. He called a nursing home and asked if they had a homosexual section. It was hilarious. Augie
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Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Oct 28, 2005 20:06:02 GMT
Hi folks, I was listening to Howard yesterday. He was talking about his Sirius station. One of his fans ("Double A") hosted a show. Howard's girlfriend ("Beth") was the guest. Double A has the "hots" for Beth. He was asking her all kinds of "personal" questions. At one point, Beth had to read a note that Double A had prepared. She said, "Oh no, Double A, it's too big for my poop-chute." It was hilarious. Augie
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Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Oct 28, 2005 20:09:03 GMT
Hi folks, I was listening to Howard yesterday. He interviewed David Lee Roth (of Van Halen). DLR is replacing Howard. DLR is soooo clueless. K-Rock is changing its format from hard rock to all talk when Howard leaves. Augie
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Augie
The Fart Meister
Posts: 491
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Post by Augie on Oct 28, 2005 20:11:12 GMT
Hi folks, I was listening to Howard last week. A woman called in. She said that she prefers to have sex with un-circumsized men. It feels better for both the man and the woman. Howard agreed. He is sorry he was circumsized. Augie
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