Oracle: My Woodsy PA Dream

[Augie]

Greetings Earthlings,

My parents own property in a planned community in Pike County, PA. There is no house on it. It is just an empty lot. Recently, I visited it, and this is what happened to me.

I was wandering through the woods of my family's property. I was wearing a Rush shirt, with Nebbish the dragon on it. Nebbish started singing to the trees. This is what he sang:

"There is unrest in the forest.
There is trouble with the trees.
For the maples want more sunlight.
And the oaks ignore their pleas.

The trouble with the maples
And they're quite convinced they're right.
They say the oaks are just too lofty
And they grab up all the light.
But the oaks can't help their feelings
If they like the way they're made.
And they wonder why the maples
Can't be happy in their shade.

There is trouble in the forest
And the creatures all have fled.
As the maples scream 'oppression'
And the oaks just shake their heads.

So the maples formed a union
And demanded equal rights.
The oaks are just too greedy.
We will make them give us light.

Now there's no more oppression.
For they passed a noble law.
And the trees are all kept equal
By hatchet, axe, and saw."

I must have fallen asleep in the woods. The next thing I knew, I was having this weird dream about an Oracle and the year 2112. Is this a vision I see before my eyes? In my dream, I hear these voices saying things like "the Elders" and "hungry minds". I was standing at the top of many stairs. An Oracle confronted me there, and it led me on light years away.....

The Oracle led me to an apparition. The apparition was a hologram of Carpentrax, who appeared to me as a Jedi knight. Carpentrax is a former board president of this community who was forcibly removed from the board in a "bullshit" trial. She is a nice person. She and I are friends. The hologram of Carpentrax spoke to me. This is what she said:

"Hold your fire.
Keep it burning bright.
Hold the flame
till the dream ignites.
A spirit with a vision
is a dream with a mission.

Dreams don't need to have motion
to keep their spark alive.
Obsession has to have action.
Pride turns on the drive.
Spirits fly on dangerous missions.
Imaginations on fire.
Focused high on soaring ambitions.
Consumed in a single desire.
In the grip of a nameless posession.
A slave to a driving obsession.
A spirit with a vision
is a dream with a mission.

It's cold comfort to the ones without it.
To know how they struggled.
How they suffered about it.
If their lives were exotic and strange,
they would likely have gladly exchanged them
for something a little more plain
maybe something a little more sane.
We each pay a fabulous price
for our vision of paradise.
But a spirit with a vision
is a dream with a mission."

As Carpentrax says this to me, I look up in the sky. I see 3 red spheres in a triangle pattern. The spheres move all around and do a "dance". Hmmm...

The next thing I know, I see a flying pig in the sky. It keeps saying, "One of these days..." over and over again. Then, I see a sheep flying all around the sky in a swirling pattern, as if it's caught in a "Force Ten" tornado. The sheep yells, "Bye!" as it leaves my view.

At this point, I was joined by an apparition of Waltrex Pelbacca, who appeared as a hologram. Waltrex is a former board member of this community. He is also a Jedi knight, like Carpentrax.

This is what Waltrex said to me:

"On the turning away
From the pale and downtrodden.
And the words they say
Which we won't understand.
Don't accept that what's happening
Is just a case of all the suffering.
Oh, you'll find that you're joining in
The turning away.

It's a sin that somehow
Light is changing to shadow.
And casts a...shroud
Over all we have known.
...How the ranks have grown.
Driven on by a heart of stone.
We could find that we're all alone
In the dream of...

On the wings of the night
As the daytime is ...
Where the speechless unite
In a silent accord.
Using words that you will find as strange.
Mezmorized as they light the flame.
Feel the new wind of change
On the wings of the night.

No more turning away
From the weak and the weary.
No more turning away
From the coldness inside.
Just a world that we all must share.
It's not enough just to stand and stare.

Is it only a dream
That there will be
No more turning away?"

And then he added this:

"Hello, is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home...?

Relax, I'll need some information first.
Just the basic facts...

There is no pain.
You are receding.
A distant ship's smoke
On the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move.
But I can't hear what you're saying.

When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse.
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look.
But it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now..."

He also added this:

"Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
...Did you exchange a walk-on part in the war
for a lead role in a cage?"

Then, Carpentrax and Waltrex spoke to me simultaneously. This is what they said to me:

"Augie, you have the potential to be a Jedi too. You have 'the Force', but you don't realize it yet. Yoda has taught you well. I see that you have a new hand. May the Force be with you."

Augie

(continued in next post...)

[Augie]

Greetings Earthlings,

The next thing I knew, I was startled when Community Manager Beltrax woke me up.

As I was waking up, this is what I said:

"What happened? What the hell was that? What did they put in my tea? Did I miss the band?"

This is what Beltrax said to me:

"Augie, you won't get wise with the sleep still in your eyes, no matter what your dream might be....."

So, I said to Beltrax:

"Where were you when I was burnt and broken?
...I was staring straight into the shining sun."

And then Beltrax said this:

"Augie, are you feeling okay? You look ill. If you don't feel good, you should go to Pergamon, Mysia and pray to the patron goddess Asklepios in the Temple of Asklepios called the 'Asklepium'. The cult of Asklepios consists of the symbols of the cista mystica and serpents. According to legend, Asklepios was born in Trikka, Thessaly. People who are seeking healing go to the temple and make a sacrifice. Then, they go off to sleep in the precincts of the Asklepium. There, Asklepios sends them a dream, and through the dream, effects a cure. Asklepios will give you instructions in the dream. After that, you should go to Ephesos, Ionia, which was founded by amazons, and visit the Temple of Artemis. As you may know, Artemis is a fertility goddess, a Moon goddess, and a huntress. She is also a chastity goddess in the cult of the Ephesian Artemis. She is usually accompanied by her stag, and a bee is typically a symbol of the city of Ephesos. While you are in the Temple of the Moon, you should toss several cistophoric tetradrachms to the eunich male priests and female virgin helpers. While you are in Ephesos, you should visit the house that Jesus's mother Mary lived in after John the Baptist took her there. As you may know, St. John then went into seclusion on the Aegean island of Patmos and wrote the Bible's Book of Revelations there. Then, you should go to Naples, Italy and make a sacrificial offering to the river-god Achloos, the man-headed bull. Then, you should go to Genoa, Italy and pay homage to Holy Roman Emperor Conrad. Then, you should go to Gela, Sicily and make a sacrificial offering to the river-god Gelas. Then, you should recite the following prayer: 'Lords of Kobol hear our prayer.....' Augie, are you listening to me?"

As I was listening to her droning voice, I must have dozed off and fallen asleep again. I had another weird dream. There was this ridiculous-looking vampire, and he was dancing and singing. This is what he was singing:

"He's not afraid of your judgement.
He knows of horrors worse than your hell.
He's a little bit afraid of dying.
But he's a lot more afraid of you lying....."

He also sang this:

"...Beating down the multitude.
And scoffing at the wise.
...The hypocrates are slandering
The sacred halls of truth."

Then, the vampire sang this:

"An ill wind comes arising
across the cities of the plain...

The world weighs on my shoulders.
But what am I to do?
You sometimes drive me crazy.
But I worry about you.

I know it makes no difference
to what you're going through.
But I see the tip of the iceberg.
And I worry about you.

Who can face the knowledge
that the truth is not the truth?
...absalom...absalom...absalom."

He also sang this:

"I clutch the wire fence
until my fingers bleed.
A wound that will not heal.
A heart that cannot feel.

Hoping that the horror will recede.
Hoping that tomorrow we'll all be free.

Sickness to insanity.
Prayer to profanity..."

At this point, the vampire was joined by a dancing skeleton. And they sang to me simultaneously. This is what they sang:

"Why are we here?
Because we're here.
Roll the bones.
Roll the bones.

Why does it happen?
Because it happens.
Roll the bones.
Roll the bones."

The next thing I knew, Beltrax was waking me up again.

Augie

(continued in next post...)

[Augie]

Greetings Earthlings,

As I was waking up, I still must have been half asleep. I mumbled something about waiting for the Elders to return in their spaceships.

At this point, Beltrax became furious. And she yelled at me:

"Augie, you're not thinking of joining the resistance movement, are you? Have you been stroking your Hydrogen rod? ;D What year do you think this is.....2112? It's only 2109. The Elders are not scheduled to return to earth for another 3 more years. Besides, you're in the wrong place. The landing site for the spaceships isn't Pike county, PA. The landing site is Willowdale, Ontario, Canada. I am going to go get Emperor Bilwilly and summon his powers. He is the head priest of the Temples of Syrinx."

As we were waiting for Bilwilly to arrive, Beltrax added this:

"Augie, as you probably know, Earth is the lost 13th colony of Kobol. If you look up at the heavens at night, you can see the constellations that represent our lost brothers - the other 12 tribes of Kobol. According to legend, they can see Geddy's nose from Kobol." ;D



(Author's note: I need to take a short break - for some brain surgery. Enjoy the dragon movie!!! Say hello to Nebbish for me!)

Augie

(continued in next post...)

[Augie]

Greetings Earthlings,

The next thing I knew, Emperor Bilwilly pulls up in his red Barchetta. His car's radio is blasting, and I can hear it. This really weird guy calls the radio station and talks to the DJ. This is what he says:

"My name is Kleptnax. I'm in my spaceship in orbit around the Earth. Play some Rush or I'll vaporize the Earth!"

The DJ plays a song. This is what I hear:

"...Invisible airwaves crackle with life.
Bright antenna bristle with the energy.
Emotional feedback.
On a timeless wavelenght.
Bearing a gift beyond price.
Almost free..."

Bilwilly is wearing a hooded brown vestment, like a monk. I can barely see his face. And he is carrying a hollow metal tube. I overheard him talking to another man. He said something about racing some guy in a "gleaming alloy air car...2 lanes wide." At the one-lane bridge, he left him stranded at the river-side.

As Bilwilly is walking towards me, he is singing to himself loudly. This is what he is singing:

"My uncle has a country place.
That no one knows about.
He says it used to be a farm
Before the Motor Law.

And now on Sundays, I elude the eyes.
And hop the turbine freight
To far outside the wire
Where my white-haired uncle waits.

Jump to the ground as the turbo slows
To cross the borderline.
Run like the wind
As excitement shivers
Up and down my spine.

But down in his barn
My uncle preserved for me
An old machine
For 50 odd years.
To keep it as new
Has been his dearest dream.

I strip away the old debris
That hides a shining car.
A brilliant Red Barchetta
From a better vanished time.

We'll fire up the willing engine
Responding with a roar.
Tires spitting gravel
I commit my weekly crime.

Wind in my hair.
Shifting and drifting.
Mechanical music.
Adrenaline surge.

Well-oiled leather.
Hot metal and oil.
The scented country air.

Sunlight on chrome.
The blur of the landscape.
Every nerve aware.

Suddenly ahead of me
Across the mountain-side.
A gleaming alloy air car
Shoots towards me
Two lanes wide.

Oh, I spin around with shrieking tires
To run the deadly race.
Go screaming through the valley
As another joins the chase.

Ride like the wind.
Straining the limits
Of machine and man.
Laughing out loud with fear and hope.
I've got a desperate plan.

At the one-lane bridge
I leave the giant stranded
At the river-side.
Race back to the farm
To dream with my uncle
At the fire-side."

Then, Bilwilly walks up to me. This is what he said to me:

"Augie, are you...are you an 'Archon'?
You speak in strange tongues.
You did not attend festival.
You mock the law-givers.
You are not 'of the body'.
You will be 'absorbed'.
I shall take you to the priests of the Temples of Syrinx."

At this point, Bilwilly turns around, places the tube by his ass, aims it at me, and farts. The gases envelop and surround me. My body feels weird. I have been 'absorbed'. I am no longer an 'Archon'. I submit to the will of Landreaux.

Now, I remember what was told to me recently by a psychic. I said to the psychic, "Can I play with madness?" The psychic looked at me with a freezing glance, and a hell-fire raged in his eyes. He screamed at me, "Augie, the demon in your mind will rape you in your bed at night. Your soul's gonna burn in a lake of fire!!!"

Augie

(continued in next post...)

[Augie]

Greetings Earthlings,

Now, Emperor Bilwilly takes me to see the priests of the Temples of Syrinx. He leads me past Lakeside Park and the Fountain of Lamneth. I see numerous tribbles playing and frolicking by the lake. According to legend, the Fountain of Lamneth can be accessed via a secret trail/path thru Bushkill Falls. Only a handful of people know about this secret trail/path. It is a closely guarded secret. We also pass by a stargate. As we are walking, this is what Bilwilly said to me:

"Augie, that is Stargate SG-PR1103. It is not active. It has not been used since the year 2062. No one has passed thru it in 47 years. The crystals located at the top will flash when it is active. If you were to pass thru that stargate, you would be instantaneously transported to Willowdale, Ontario, Canada. It has been said that the Elders departed from Earth in their spaceships from Willowdale in the year 2062. According to the ancient scriptures, the Elders will return to Earth in the year 2112, and they will arrive at Willowdale. According to legend, there is an alternate way to activate and pass thru the stargate. First, you must traverse a secret underground passage that is filled with trolls, monsters, goblins, and traps. You must also decipher numerous complex riddles that are written in the language of the ancients. You must also find the sacred river Alf, escape the caves of ice, dine on honeydew, and drink the milk of paradise. Then, you must recite every word to every song that Rush has ever sang. Several people have attempted it, but no one has ever come out alive."

And then Bilwilly added this:

"Augie, I noticed the fish in your ear to facilitate intergalactic space/time travel. I am also aware of the fact that the fish wards off the effects of my farts. However, I am more clever than you are, and I have out-smarted you. I changed the pitch and altered the frequency of my fart, rendering the fish useless."

Bilwilly is onto me and my plans. I am in serious trouble. I must try to contact Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. The Enterprise is in grave danger. Bilwilly is actually a puppet dictator of America's President Mobus.

At this point, I look up in the sky, and I see a large black monolith. It is coming towards me. Bilwilly can't see it. When the monolith is close to me, I look in it. I see a hologram of Waltrex. This is what he says to me:

"I hear radio waves in my head...

Benny climbed up on the foot-bridge
And he tettered on the parapet.
He said, 'Can you see the whites of their headlights?
Are they coming yet?'

...And the voice said,
'Benny, you f**ked the whole thing up.
Benny, your time is up.'...

How'd you make a 'have'
Out of a 'have not'?...

Who needs information
When you're working underground?
Who needs information
When you're this high off the ground?...

Blacked-out vans.
Contingency plans.
They like death or glory.
They love a good story.
Sisters of mercy
Better join with your brothers.
Put an end to the soap opera state.
They say the toothless get ruthless.
You better run home
Before it's too late...

I like staying with my Uncle Dave.
And I like playing with his great dane.
Buy I don't fit.
I feel alien and strange.
Kind of out of range...

The land of my fathers
Is calling to me...
I stared at the canyon
With my back to the sea.
I see a blood-red dragon
On a field of green...
Calling me back
Back to the black hills again.
Billy, come home.

...Sole has no eyes...
...Marine fish...
I don't care!
Shut up!
Play the record!...

It's the end of the cat and the mouse
And the house that Jack built...
It could be the soldier in the white cravat
Who turns the key in spite of the fact...
Bang bang.
Shoot shoot.
White gloved thumb.
'He was always a good boy',
His mother said.
'He'll do his duty when he's grown.'
...Everybody's got someone they call 'home'...

When they over-run the defenses.
A minor invasion.
Put down to expenses...
Will you go down
To the airport lounge?
Will you accept
Your second-class status?
A nation of waitresses and waiters?
Will you fix their martinis?
Will you stand still for it?
Or will you take to the hills?...

Will you stand by
A passive spectator?...
Will you hear
When the lion within you roars?...

I pushed the button, Jim...
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.....

I used to think the world was flat.
I rarely threw my head into the clouds.
I thought I'd used up my quota of yearning.
But...the tide is turning.

...Who is the strongest?
Who is the best?
Who holds the aces?
The East or the West?
This is the crap
That our children are learning.
But...the tide is turning..."

Augie

(continued in next post...)

[Augie]

Greetings Earthlings,

I must also contact By-Tor and Snow Dog, pilots of the spaceship Discovery. They have several crew members, including:

Geddy
Alex
Neil
Dirk
Lerxst
the Professor
the Guy from Ipanema
Stan Getz
Milton Banana

I keep trying to secretly contact them without Bilwilly realizing it. But it appears that they have problems of their own: Laura's fart. (For more info on Laura's fart and its destructive force, please read my "Help! I'm Stuck on Triton!!!" thread located in the "Augie's Fart Zone" sub-board in the "For Mongo" section of this board. Also, please read my "The White House Blew Up" thread in the "A Memo to a Higher Office" section of this board.)

It appears that Laura's fart has infected the ship's on-board HAL 9000 computer with a virus, and it has taken over control of the ship. The ship is now headed straight for black hole Cygnus X-1. The crew of that ship is trying desparately to keep the Discovery out of the event horizon of the black hole.

Augie

(continued in next post...)

[Augie]

Greetings Earthlings,

At this point, Emperor Bilwilly leads me to what used to be the community's clubhouse. It is now a Temple of Syrinx. As we approach it, I hear the tolling of the Division Bell, which is located in the steeple of the temple. He rings the doorbell. It sounds like morse code for Toronto's airport.

Soon, other directors of this community (who are also priests of the Temples of Syrinx) answer the door. They are all dressed in the same vestments as Bilwilly. I can barely see their faces. They all look like monks. They usher me into the temple. One of them looks like Darth Sliptrob, the personification of evil itself. He has just returned from the Death Star. He was summoned there because Ewoks on the moon of Endor were causing trouble and giving him problems.

I also see someone who appears to be Terpitor, another board member of this community. Terpitor is Darth Sliptrob's side-kick. She wears a dead albatross on a chain around her neck. Along with Terpitor, I see someone who appears to be Biladax, another board member of this community. He is ridiculously religious. He is constantly quoting scriptures from the Bible and mentioning Jesus in his spoken words and written thoughts. He also has a penchant for cancelling community meetings. He is the "king of the cancelled meeting".

The tribbles don't like Darth Sliptrob, Emperor Bilwilly, Terpitor, or Biladax. They become agitated and afraid in their presence. You would think that they were Klingons from the way the tribbles act around them.

As I approached the temple, I heard all of the board members singing a chant. Darth Sliptrob was leading the chant. When I entered the temple, it got louder. This is what they were chanting:

"The night is black
without a moon.
The air is thick and still.
The vigilantes gather on
the lonely torch-lit hill.

Features distorted in the flickering light.
Faces are twisted and grotesque.
Silent and stern in the sweltering night.
...like demons possessed.

Quiet in conscience.
Calm in their right.
Confident their ways are best.

The righteous rise
with burning eyes.
On hatred and ill-will.

Madmen fed on fear and lies
to beat and burn and kill.

They say there are strangers who threaten us.
Our immigrants and infidels.
They say there is strangeness to dangerous.
In the theaters and book store shelves.

Those who know what's best for us
must rise and save us from ourselves."

At this point, I remember a story I heard about Dan Holo, pilot of the Millenium Falcon. Jabba the Hut is really pissed off at him because he was forced to dump his cargo. He's in a lot of trouble. Dan is also a former board member of this community. Dan Holo, Carpentrax, and Waltrex Pelbacca all went to battle with Darth Sliptrob. Unfortunately, Darth Sliptrob won that battle, and he gained the upper hand. But that was just a battle. He didn't win the war...

At this point, a hologram of Carpentrax, Waltrex, and Dan Holo appears before me. This is what they said to me:

"Out swaggered.
Out of the schoolyard.
Waiting for the world's applause.
Rebel without a conscience.
Martyr without a cause.

Static on your frequency.
Electrical storm in your veins.
Raging at unreachable glory.
Straining at invisible chains.

It's not as if this barricade
Blocks the only road.
It's not as if you're all alone
In wanting to explode.

Someone set a bad example.
Makes surrender seem alright.
The act of a noble warrior
Who lost the will to fight.

No hero in your trajedy.
No daring in your escape.
No salute for your surrender.
Nothing noble in your fate.
Christ, what have you done!!!...

And now you're trembling on a rocky ledge.
Staring down into a heartless sea.
Can't face life on the razor's edge.
Nothing's what you thought it would be.

All of us get lost in the darkness.
Dreamers learn to steer by the stars.
All of us do time in the gutter.
Dreamers turn to look at the cars.
Turn around and turn around and turn around.
Turn around and walk the razor's edge.
Don't turn your back
And slam the door on me."

And then they added this:

"If we burn our wings
Flying too close to the Sun.
If the moment of glory
Is over before it's begun.
If the dream is won
But everything is lost.
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost.

...And victory denied.
...Too lofty.
River a little too wide.
If we lose our pride...

And if the music stops.
There's only the sound of the rain.
All the hope and glory.
All the sacrafice in vain.
And if love remains..."

As soon as I enter the temple, I notice a giant wall mural of a naked man standing in front of a red star inscribed inside of a circle. I hear all of the board members singing.

This is what they sang:

"We've taken care of everything.
The words you read.
The songs you sing.
The pictures that give pleasure to your eyes.
It's one for all.
And all for one.
We work together...
Never need to wonder how or why.

Look around this world we've made.
Equality our stock and trade.
Come and join the brotherhood of man.
What a nice contented world.
Let the banners be unfurled.
Hold the red star proudly high in hand.

We are the priests of the Temples of Syrinx.
Our great computers fill the hallowed halls.
We are the priests of the Temples of Syrinx.
All the gifts of life are held within these walls."

I look on the floor, and I see the remains of a guitar that has been smashed to pieces. According to rumor, it was Darth Sliptrob who smashed this guitar. As he smashed it, this is what he yelled:

"Another toy that helped destroy
the Elder race of man.
Forget about your silly whim.
It doesn't fit the plan.

Oh yes, we know it's nothing new.
It's just a waste of time.
We have no need for ancient ways.
Our world is doing fine."

Augie

(continued in next post...)

[Augie]

Greetings Earthlings,

Then, I heard all of the board members singing again. This is what they sang:

"Living on a lighted stage.
Approaches the unreal.
For those who think and feel.
In touch with some reality.
Beyond the gilded cage.

Cast in this unlikely role.
Ill-equipped to act.
With insufficient tact.
One must put up barriers.
To keep oneself intact.

Living in the fish-eye lens.
Stuck in the camera eye.
I have no heart ot lie.
I can't pretend a stranger
Is a long-awaited friend.

All the world's indeed a stage.
And we are merely players.
Performers and portrayers.
Each another's audience
Outside the gilded cage.

Living in the limelight.
The universal green.
For those who to see.
Those who wish to be.
Must put aside the alienation.
Get on with the fascination.
The real relation.
The underlying theme."

At this point, the board members try to torture me by forcing me to listen to Vorgon poetry.

So, I start singing:

"...You rearrange me till I'm sane.
You lock the door
And throw away the key.
There's someone in my head
But it's not me..."

Emperor Bilwilly and the other priests lead me to the corner, where there is a very old computer that looks like it hasn't been used since the year 2062. Bilwilly points at the computer and says:

"Augie, I want you to meet Landru."

It turns out that I am actually familiar with this type of computer. Yoda and the Ewoks taught me how to use this model. I fiddle around with a few buttons and knobs and switches. The next thing I knew, the computer sings:

"And the meek shall inherit the Earth....."

Bilwilly yells:

"Nooooooooooooooooooo.....Stop that, Augie!!! What are you doing???!!!!!"

Augie

(continued in next post...)

[Augie]

Greetings Earthlings,

I play around with more buttons and knobs and switches. The next thing I knew, the computer starts singing loudly:

"A modern-day warrior.
Mean mean stride.
Today's Tom Sawyer.
Mean mean pride."

Bilwilly gets very disturbed and fearful. He yells:

"Augie, stop that horrible noise!!!"

The computer continues singing, but even louder:

"Though his mind is not for rent.
Don't put him down as arrogant.
His reserve a quiet defense.
Riding out the day's events.
.....the river."

The music keeps getting louder and louder. Bilwilly is very angry, annoyed, and disturbed. He also appears to be in pain. The other priests experience the same thing. They all fall down onto the floor in pain and weakness. They all yell at me from the floor:

"Noooooooooooo.....Augie, stop that horrible noise!!!"

Augie

(continued in next post...)

[Augie]

Greetings Earthlings,

The computer continues singing:

"His mind is not for rent.
To any god or government....."

The music gets louder and louder. When the computer sings that verse, it is a deafening roar. Bilwilly yells:

"Nooooooooooo.....Stop........Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!"

He appears to be writhing in pain. The priests try to get up and run, but they can't because they are too weak. Their bodies all spontaneously vaporize into a gas, and they all die. Their bodies turn into a gas, and they evaporate into the air.

As this is happening, I hear someone yelling in the window from outside. He yells, "Measure your coffin. Does it measure up to your lust?"

There are a bunch of foolish people outside. They are crying because they can't think for themselves. They need to be told what to do. They were under the spell of the priests, and they need the guidance of the priests. They are afraid of the future. They don't know what path to take in life.

Augie

(continued in next post...)

[Augie]

Greetings Earthlings,

I look out the window, and I see numerous spaceships flying overhead. The Elders have returned to Earth. Apparently, I must have been in some kind of a time warp. When I was in the temple, there must have been a warp in space-time. I was in the temple for only a few minutes, but 3 years elapsed outside the temple. It is now the year 2112.

As the ships fly overhead, I hear a message. I hear them loudly saying the following statement repeatedly over and over again:

"Attention all planets of the Solar Federation.
Attention all planets of the Solar Federation.
Attention all planets of the Solar Federation.
We have assumed control.
We have assumed control.
We have assumed control."


Then, I hear a man outside yelling:

"The crystals are flashing...the crystals are flashing...the crystals are flashing. The stargate is active!!!"

Augie

(continued in next post...)

[Augie]

Greetings Earthlings,

As the spaceships fly overhead, I see something painted on the bottom of the lead ship. It is a scene depicting the crucifixion of Howard Stern. It looks just like the Roman Catholic crucifixion, but Howard Stern is on the cross instead of Jesus. There is also a large slogan that reads:

"FIRST AMENDMENT"

At this point, a hologram appears before me. It is an animated cartoon drawing of Albert Einsiein. And he is singing to me.

This is what he sings:

"Imagine a time
When it all began.
In the dying days of a war.
A weapon that would settle the score.
Whoever found it first
Would be sure to do their worst.
They always had before.

Imagine a man
When it all began.
A scientist pacing the floor
In each nation.
Always eager to explore.
To build the best big stick.
To turn the winning trick.
But this was something more.

Imagine a place
Where it all began.
Gathered from across the land.
To work in the secrecy of the desert sand.
All the brightest boys.
To play with the biggest toys.
More than they bargained for.

Imagine a man
Where it all began.
The pilot of Enola Gay.
Flying out of the shock-wave.
On that August day.
All the power that be.
And the course of history.
Would be changed for evermore.

The Big Bang took and shook the world.
Shot down the Rising Sun.
The end would be gone.
It would hit everyone.
When the chain reaction was done.
The big shots try to hold it back.
Fools try to wish it away.
The hopeful depend
On a world without end.
Whatever the hopeless may say."

Now, a hologram of Carpentrax, Waltrex, and Dan Holo appears before me. They sang to me.

This is what they sang:

"There are those who think that life
Has nothing left to chance.
A host of holy horrors.
To direct our aimless dance.

A planet of play-things.
We dance on the strings
Of powers we cannot perceive.

The stars aren't aligned.
Or the gods are malign.
Blame is better to give than receive.

There are those who think.
That they've been dealt a losing hand.
The cards were stacked against them.
They weren't born in Lotus-Land.

All pre-ordained.
A prisoner in chains.
A victim of venomous fate.
Kicked in the face.
You can't pray for a place.
In heaven's unearthly estate.

You can choose a ready guide
In some celestial voice.
If you choose not to decide
You still have made a choice.

You can choose from phantom fears
And kindness that can kill.
I will choose a path that's clear.
I will choose freewill.

Each of us.
A cell of awareness.
Imperfect and incomplete.
Genetic blends.
With uncertain ends.
On a fortune hunt
That's far too fleet."

The people of Earth are now freed from the tyranny of the priests of the Temples of Syrinx. They are in need of guidance now. Who will lead them.....?

At this point, the black monolith re-appears in the sky. As it approaches me, I hear orchestra music. Someone yells, "My God...It's full of farts!"

The monolith lands in front of me, and I look in it. I see several chimpanzees banging bones against the ground. What does this mean? Hmmm.....

The next thing I know, the monolith sends me a message. This was the message:

"All these worlds are yours..."

I look up in the sky, and I see a giant whale flying through the air. He is flapping his flippers and flying like a bird. He looks at me and says:

"So long...and thanks for all the fish!"

Then, the whale turns into an oracle and disappears from view behind a mountain.

The End.


Augie